From Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller:

People will tell you so many things, passing on their hindsight and regrets. Love them when they are little. Cherish the early days. I would say it all again, but I’m not sure you can hear it until you reach the other side, open your eyes, and let the tears of recognition come. There is not one piece of life that you can grasp, contain, or keep, not even the life you created and hold right now in your arms.

Over and over again we endured those words from friends, nurses, others’ mothers. “Enjoy them” they would tell us. I actually felt insulted. How would I not enjoy my own children? Then, my friend had her little girl - early, like our boys. I caught myself wanting to say the same thing to her, “enjoy her”.

I held that sweet little angel in my arms, still on oxygen, still connected to a heart monitor. All those things somehow weren’t scary to me or even present at this moment. All I saw was this little bean, still weeks away from her due date yet already home with her mom and dad. She was so tiny, sweet, squishy, new. I instantly missed my boys being that small. It seemed like forever ago but I’m sure it was just the deliriousness of being a new mom with no sleep and twin boys. Still, I felt myself wishing I’d paid more attention to every little detail of that early time of their first year, wondering what I’d missed in the haze of new motherhood. The smallness, the newness, the baby smells are fleeting. Thankfully, so are the hormones and the sleeplessness.

If there is anything that is constant in this journey of motherhood it is “letting go”. That has become my mantra. As much as I want to hold on to every precious moment I am constantly learning to let go. Often, letting go allows me to see those fleeting moments much more clearly.

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Momma Zen is always on my nightstand. I’m revisiting chapters that refresh my senses as I move through new stages of being a mom. Karen Maezen Miller also has a new book in the works, Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life(available for pre-order). Listen to an excerpt read by the author over at Superhero Journal. And, check out a couple from Momma Zen here.

Thanks to our generous friend, Heidi, I got to make up some of my favorite winter soup. She gifted us a bunch of food from her CSA basket, most of which just happened to work into the Summer Squash Soup recipe (below). I know, it’s not summer. I rarely follow a recipe or any instructions, for that matter. This recipe is really flexible just be careful not to overdo the carrots or the whole thing will taste like them.

What I did this time around:
- doubled/tripled the recipe
- subbed about half of each butternut and carnival squash for the summer squash
- didn’t have any carrots so skipped them
- one each of a red and yellow onion (oh, did I cry with the red one! took me back to my days of cutting onions at JJ’s Pie Co.)
- three large white potatoes
- two cups apple juice (clearing out fridge and making up for the sweetness lost without carrots)
- 5 cups chicken bullion (out of veggie stock that I usually use)

Summer Squash Soup

2 tbls olive or canola oil
1 medium onion, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced crosswise
1/2 tsp salt
2 lb yellow summer squash or zucchini, halved and thinly sliced
2 carrots, thinly sliced (I just break them in threes and throw them in)
1 yellow-fleshed potato (1/2 lb), peeled, halved, and thinly sliced
4 cups chicken stock or reduced-sodium chicken broth

Heat oil in a 6-8 quart wide heavy pot over moderate heat, add and cook onion and salt, stirring until softened, about 8 minutes. Add squash, carrots, potato, and stock and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, then simmer, partially covered, until vegetables are very tender, about 30 minutes. Remove from heat and cool soup, uncovered, 10 minutes.

Working in batches, puree soup (use caution as this stays hot for a long time!) in a blender until smooth and transfer to a bowl. Return puree to cleaned pot and thin with water, if desired. Simmer 3 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper, if desired.

I usually crisp some rosemary from the yard in a little butter and sprinkle that on the soup. Or, serve with the fried rosemary and/or a drizzle of browned butter. Oh, and also delicious with crumbled goat cheese but what isn’t!

Other things I’ve added/subbed: beets, beer, milk, quinoa.

Let me know if you try it and what you changes you made. Enjoy!

The boys’ first outing in the snow, complete with red toboggans!

photo by David