The boys’ first outing in the snow, complete with red toboggans!

photo by David

Luca officially cut a tooth yesterday. We didn’t know until he chewed on my finger and it was a little rough. He’s had very little fussing with it. And, so far, the nursing is okay, too.

He’s also taken to playing peek-a-boo on his own but is much happier when we join in with him.

Finn the gymnast is arching his back and scooching around the room, usually headed under the couch to play with the bars.

So, I’m headed out of town for a weekend of rest, relaxation,  wine, and girl time in the Russian River Valley. This isn’t just a mini vacation, it will be my first weekend away from my baby boys. I’m in much need of some time away to clear my head and regroup. I’ve been trying to hold up the “supermom” face but there are too many holes in the things I’ve been doing to not finally admit to myself that I need some “me time”. Thankfully, this three day weekend away (thanks to the state furlough days) was already on my calendar.

Papa’s on his own with the boys and has lots of fun planned - a birthday party, a run with the jog stroller at Lake Tahoe, and a Dem picnic (the second political event in one week for the boys!). While I’m bummed I’ll miss seeing the boys experience all these new things I’m so excited for them to have all this time with dad. And, it’s a good lesson for me in “letting go”.

I’ve got my wide brimmed hat, my SPF, and I’m about to go paint my toes red. Breathing space, here I come.

My baby boys turned six months old last Friday. I can’t believe how time has flown and how far we’ve come. I look back at the photos of my sleepy little guys in the NICU, all hooked up to monitors and IVs and can hardly believe they are the same little guys that now talk, laugh, and roll around. Motherhood has been difficult but rewarding in ways I would never have guessed. There are those trying moments where I’ve been exhausted, frustrated I can’t get someone to sleep, and crying. I look through my tears at the little guy in my arms, thinking “what am I going to do?” and I am greeted with the purest smile. And, just like that everything is all better. I’ve been told by many people that the boys picked me, and I thank my boys often. How lucky am I to be Finnegan and Luca’s mom.

Dear Finn and Luca,

You just turned four months old, two months “corrected” age for gestation. You’ve been in our lives for four months so we’ll go with four. Finnegan, you just became an oxygen free man two weeks ago and have done nothing but grow since then. You both have been chatting us up for about a month and smiling and responding to our goofy expressions and oogling. We like to play a game of cheek, cheek, chin, and nose, poking each part and a lite sweep of your noses at the end always gets a smile. Luca, you just noticed your brother a few days ago when he was crying. You looked at him and started to talk to him. It was so amazing. Do it again, k?

You are both pretty much “sleeping through the night” at six and seven hour stretches. Although, you’ve both been having gas pains around 3:30am. I can’t wait for this to pass - your pediatrician says it will.

I had to go back to work after five months - one in the hospital on bed rest, then recovery, and your care. It has been nice to get back to work and amazing what I still remember, as though I’d only been gone a week. Today, the sleepiness set in and I only wanted to be home snuggling with you two. The first day I came home from work, Luca, you let me know you weren’t too happy I had been gone by starting up some fake cries when I said hello to you. You are both trying the fake cries with us occasionally and we are only a little sorry that it makes us laugh. Granny Sue is Nanny Sue right now and we are working on hiring a full time nanny. I’m a bit scared to leave you little men with a new person. It’s so hard to know you’ll be learning and growing under someone else’s care and not mine. But, we’ll catch up and make trouble every night when I get home. Promise!

The boys are one month old, and the lessons we’ve learned are endless. Much as we’ve benefited from the stories of other twin parents and their NICU stays, it’s time for us to pass it along… check our new blog on twin parenting: Growing Twins.

Lisa and I have settled into a waiting game consisting of daily doctor reports, visits to the NICU, milestones achieved and, as promised, the occasional set back. But stepping away from the minute to minute changes in the story, here on day 12, it looks like I’ve been given the best birthday present ever: 2 healthy tiny boys.

Having started their journeys in the world after just shy of 31 weeks in mama’s belly, we were amazed that both boys made it off the oscillating ventilators by the third day. Health check after health check has thus far come up favorable. The one major stumbling block, both boys being diagnosed with patent ductus arteriosus (PDA), has as of this evening been left behind.

PDA is when a valve in the heart that normally closes in full-term babies soon after birth remains open. It is is quite common in preemies and results in low blood pressure and excess blood entering the lungs. Thankfully, both Luca and Finn responded well to the usual pharmaceutical treatment for the condition and thus have avoided surgical intervention to close the hole. Finn passed this milestone yesterday, and we learned that his brother Luca, the bigger boy and a bit more stubborn as we were warned he would be by our perinatologist, passed with flying colors this evening.

So, on my 36th birthday, both boys are off ventilators, successfully cleared of the many of the usual complications premature babies face, PDA-free, and each receiving mom’s milk (via feeding tube, 1cc for Luca, 3 for Finn) every six hours (time to start putting on the groceries!) Finn has a high-flow oxygen tube in his nostrils to help his breathing while Luca is 100% tube free and breathing on his own. We know we still have a way to go and more milestones to reach before we can bring them home, but we’re confident it won’t be long before they’re waking us up in the middle of the night.

With Finn in his isolette right next to us, I watched the nurse tonight return Luca to his after an hour of “kangaroo care” (skin to skin, chest to chest contact, the parent holding the baby while reclining in a chair) from his mom. We paused a moment while Lisa untangled some of his trailing leads from her chair, and Luca and I took the time to stare at each other, eyes wide open, each completely present, each completely awake. A few seconds later, Luca was in his bed and as I reached both my hands into his “house” to touch his head and feet and say goodnight, I remembered a quote Lisa had sent me on email from Elizabeth Stone many weeks ago:

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

Good night boys. Your old man’s very proud of you.

After a month in the hospital it is finally time for me to head home. I still can’t believe I’ve spent a month indoors with only one visit outside the whole time. Our baby boys are happily growing and progressing in the NICU. The care they are receiving is nothing short of amazing. The staff in the NICU echoes the care and attention that I have been receiving during my month stay in antepartum and postpartum.

As excited as I am to get home I will certainly miss seeing the nurses I’ve come to know and trust. I cannot boast enough about how well I’ve been cared for during my time at Renown. I’ve had endless resources available at the touch of a button coupled with such human compassion. The nurses have laughed with me, talked me through tears of worry and fear, and checked in on me even when I wasn’t their patient on a given day. I even had nurses I hadn’t seen for days who stopped by before and after my delivery to congratulate us.

I’ll be back daily to see the boys and pump milk for them. I look forward to the day I can snuggle the boys into their slings and visit the nurses to show them off as well as introduce them to those amazing ladies who were watching out for them before they were born.

And, for those of you who think the hospital food is scary it has actually been surprisingly good. That, and I didn’t have to cook any meals for a month!

Thank you to all the nurses, aides, docs, nutritionists, lactation specialists, and office staff at Renown that have made my stay a comforting and amazing experience. My family and I are blessed to have been able to grow under your care.

Mama here.

I started to come out of my magnesium (given to me for 24 hours to protect me from the possibility of seizures from my pre-eclampsia, made me really hot and too loopy to get out of bed) haze sometime yesterday afternoon and finally felt well enough in the evening to visit our baby boys for the first time since delivery. They are both absolutely precious. It is hard to believe that those content little hairy headed pumpkins belong to us. They are both doing very well and may both be able to come off of the respirators sometime today. This is news I didn’t expect to hear for weeks.

And… Drum roll, please… We’ve finally given the little pumpkins names:

Luca Carson (A) and Finnegan Walker (B) Kornze Bobzien

Much love and thanks to you all.

mom and pop