It’s been an interesting last few days… I tried to take the free teleseminar by Christine Kane on Wednesday but only got through less than half without war with my children (which really, was me warring with myself, not my kids). I did hear enough that had me considering the Uplevel Your Life program (a group life-coaching for women). Thursday, after Zumba, a friend brought to my attention (without trying) that I wasn’t paying attention…while chatting about meditation in everyday actions (insert the need to reread Hand Wash Cold here). After freaking out about Lysol being sprayed around my children (and at least eight others) in the kid care at the gym, I came home, tucked my monkeys in bed, and downloaded four podcast interviews with Karen Maezen Miller. I made soup and bread (in the trusty bread machine) while I listened to Karen remind me that I didn’t need to “fix” anything but to let my anger be my anger, let my sadness be my sadness, let my exhaustion be…just that. So, I’m back to it - letting my practice be just that, practice. I just needed a little refocusing and cleaning of my lens.

Last year I was lucky enough to spend my first Mother’s Day with my boys and my mom. We spent a lovely morning at home holding babies (one napper) while enjoying a breakfast made by my husband.

In the afternoon we ventured out to the Sparks Marina to check out the Arts in Bloom Festival. There were many artists with handmade wares but we were there to support my friend Amanda who was selling her handmade pottery. Turns out she didn’t need our help with sales as her table was busy and she had little left in her collection by the end of the day.

This Sunday Amanda will be there again with all new pieces. I got a sneak peak into some fun and functional new pieces she’s been working on that you need to scoop up for yourself. She’ll be set up near the stage.

Hope you get out to the marina to enjoy the sun and art. Have a fabulous Mother’s Day!

The boys’ first outing in the snow, complete with red toboggans!

photo by David

So, I’m headed out of town for a weekend of rest, relaxation,  wine, and girl time in the Russian River Valley. This isn’t just a mini vacation, it will be my first weekend away from my baby boys. I’m in much need of some time away to clear my head and regroup. I’ve been trying to hold up the “supermom” face but there are too many holes in the things I’ve been doing to not finally admit to myself that I need some “me time”. Thankfully, this three day weekend away (thanks to the state furlough days) was already on my calendar.

Papa’s on his own with the boys and has lots of fun planned - a birthday party, a run with the jog stroller at Lake Tahoe, and a Dem picnic (the second political event in one week for the boys!). While I’m bummed I’ll miss seeing the boys experience all these new things I’m so excited for them to have all this time with dad. And, it’s a good lesson for me in “letting go”.

I’ve got my wide brimmed hat, my SPF, and I’m about to go paint my toes red. Breathing space, here I come.

My baby boys turned six months old last Friday. I can’t believe how time has flown and how far we’ve come. I look back at the photos of my sleepy little guys in the NICU, all hooked up to monitors and IVs and can hardly believe they are the same little guys that now talk, laugh, and roll around. Motherhood has been difficult but rewarding in ways I would never have guessed. There are those trying moments where I’ve been exhausted, frustrated I can’t get someone to sleep, and crying. I look through my tears at the little guy in my arms, thinking “what am I going to do?” and I am greeted with the purest smile. And, just like that everything is all better. I’ve been told by many people that the boys picked me, and I thank my boys often. How lucky am I to be Finnegan and Luca’s mom.

Dear Finn and Luca,

You just turned four months old, two months “corrected” age for gestation. You’ve been in our lives for four months so we’ll go with four. Finnegan, you just became an oxygen free man two weeks ago and have done nothing but grow since then. You both have been chatting us up for about a month and smiling and responding to our goofy expressions and oogling. We like to play a game of cheek, cheek, chin, and nose, poking each part and a lite sweep of your noses at the end always gets a smile. Luca, you just noticed your brother a few days ago when he was crying. You looked at him and started to talk to him. It was so amazing. Do it again, k?

You are both pretty much “sleeping through the night” at six and seven hour stretches. Although, you’ve both been having gas pains around 3:30am. I can’t wait for this to pass - your pediatrician says it will.

I had to go back to work after five months - one in the hospital on bed rest, then recovery, and your care. It has been nice to get back to work and amazing what I still remember, as though I’d only been gone a week. Today, the sleepiness set in and I only wanted to be home snuggling with you two. The first day I came home from work, Luca, you let me know you weren’t too happy I had been gone by starting up some fake cries when I said hello to you. You are both trying the fake cries with us occasionally and we are only a little sorry that it makes us laugh. Granny Sue is Nanny Sue right now and we are working on hiring a full time nanny. I’m a bit scared to leave you little men with a new person. It’s so hard to know you’ll be learning and growing under someone else’s care and not mine. But, we’ll catch up and make trouble every night when I get home. Promise!

After a month in the hospital it is finally time for me to head home. I still can’t believe I’ve spent a month indoors with only one visit outside the whole time. Our baby boys are happily growing and progressing in the NICU. The care they are receiving is nothing short of amazing. The staff in the NICU echoes the care and attention that I have been receiving during my month stay in antepartum and postpartum.

As excited as I am to get home I will certainly miss seeing the nurses I’ve come to know and trust. I cannot boast enough about how well I’ve been cared for during my time at Renown. I’ve had endless resources available at the touch of a button coupled with such human compassion. The nurses have laughed with me, talked me through tears of worry and fear, and checked in on me even when I wasn’t their patient on a given day. I even had nurses I hadn’t seen for days who stopped by before and after my delivery to congratulate us.

I’ll be back daily to see the boys and pump milk for them. I look forward to the day I can snuggle the boys into their slings and visit the nurses to show them off as well as introduce them to those amazing ladies who were watching out for them before they were born.

And, for those of you who think the hospital food is scary it has actually been surprisingly good. That, and I didn’t have to cook any meals for a month!

Thank you to all the nurses, aides, docs, nutritionists, lactation specialists, and office staff at Renown that have made my stay a comforting and amazing experience. My family and I are blessed to have been able to grow under your care.