My baby boys turned six months old last Friday. I can’t believe how time has flown and how far we’ve come. I look back at the photos of my sleepy little guys in the NICU, all hooked up to monitors and IVs and can hardly believe they are the same little guys that now talk, laugh, and roll around. Motherhood has been difficult but rewarding in ways I would never have guessed. There are those trying moments where I’ve been exhausted, frustrated I can’t get someone to sleep, and crying. I look through my tears at the little guy in my arms, thinking “what am I going to do?” and I am greeted with the purest smile. And, just like that everything is all better. I’ve been told by many people that the boys picked me, and I thank my boys often. How lucky am I to be Finnegan and Luca’s mom.

After a month in the hospital it is finally time for me to head home. I still can’t believe I’ve spent a month indoors with only one visit outside the whole time. Our baby boys are happily growing and progressing in the NICU. The care they are receiving is nothing short of amazing. The staff in the NICU echoes the care and attention that I have been receiving during my month stay in antepartum and postpartum.

As excited as I am to get home I will certainly miss seeing the nurses I’ve come to know and trust. I cannot boast enough about how well I’ve been cared for during my time at Renown. I’ve had endless resources available at the touch of a button coupled with such human compassion. The nurses have laughed with me, talked me through tears of worry and fear, and checked in on me even when I wasn’t their patient on a given day. I even had nurses I hadn’t seen for days who stopped by before and after my delivery to congratulate us.

I’ll be back daily to see the boys and pump milk for them. I look forward to the day I can snuggle the boys into their slings and visit the nurses to show them off as well as introduce them to those amazing ladies who were watching out for them before they were born.

And, for those of you who think the hospital food is scary it has actually been surprisingly good. That, and I didn’t have to cook any meals for a month!

Thank you to all the nurses, aides, docs, nutritionists, lactation specialists, and office staff at Renown that have made my stay a comforting and amazing experience. My family and I are blessed to have been able to grow under your care.

This afternoon, two beautiful baby boys joined our family. Their dad ever the photographer, I shot almost an entire card in the O.R. in between sitting with Lisa and sneaking peeks over the operating screen, an activity that grounded me throughout the delivery (and yes, the documenting was at my wife’s request.)

Any worries that watching the scene unfold from behind a viewfinder would prevent me from being present in the moment were quickly erased. Within moments from being scooped from Lisa’s belly, I heard the soft tenuous first cries of baby A as he began receiving the care of his neonatologist team.

Baby B was a minute behind his brother. Where as A had the chance to be hoisted above the screen for a quick glimpse from Mom, B was whisked immediately to a care table under a lamp. Invited to watch both teams work to stabilize our tiny little guys, I hummed with excitement, pride, concern and affection as I did my best to stay out of the way of these amazing professionals entrusted to protect our most precious gifts. Both boys were soon transferred to isolettes, wheeled out of the O.R. with a quick stop for viewing by their mom, and then down the hall past two expectant grandparents, with me anxiously following them on the way to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).

Tonight, Lisa’s recovering and relaxing down the hall from our two little boys. She’s scrolling through the photos on the camera while I type out this post. A few hours ago I got to touch baby A (yes, we’re still working on names) using a “compaction” technique that replicates time in the womb: one hand cradling the head while the other flexes the legs by bringing the feet closer to the belly. I wept. They were tears of exhaustion, joy and determination that we would do everything we could to bring these boys home safely.

The doctor’s report: Born early at 30 weeks and 5 days, due to a concern with B’s cord insertion and signs of Mom’s preeclampsia, both boys are doing well despite their challenges. They’re on respirators, but both are already breathing normal air without special mixture. We’ve been briefed as to the risks, and inevitable twists and turns they’ll take in the weeks ahead, but feel very positive about their prospects given the feedback we’ve gotten from the doctors and nurses.

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers. In a few minutes, I’ll end my day with another trip to the NICU to check up on our two baby boys. I’ll be whispering to each of them, “get some rest little guy, you’ve earned it.”

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. David got to take me outside for the first time in over three weeks. It was kind of surreal to think that I hadn’t even been off the labor and delivery floor since November 5th. David pushed me around the hospital grounds in the fresh afternoon air. It felt so good to be outside.

We returned to my hospital room to find out that my protein levels were high and that I was heading towards pre-eclampsia. So, no more walks. All bed rest, all the time. And, a few more tests to stay on top of any symptoms. Also, we were told there was a chance that the boys would need to be delivered early. The only way to stop pre-eclampsia is to deliver.

My feet and legs were definitely more swollen and the swelling hadn’t subsided overnight like it usually does. With the results of another test back early this evening the doc made the decision to deliver the boys tomorrow at noon.

So, we’re going to be parents in just over twelve hours. I doubt we’ll get much sleep tonight, our last night before parenthood.

The doc has scheduled the boys’ delivery for Monday morning. That will make it 31 weeks. It hasn’t really sunk in yet. Probably because we thought they’d come out this week and when we originally got that news it took a little while to sink in.

Now I just keep eating as much as I can to grow these boys. This has become increasingly difficult given that they are taking up all the room. It will be strange to feel my organs and their sensations move back to where they belong. Heart burn and gas pains are strange because they aren’t where they would normally be. And, when I get butterflies in my stomach it feels more like butterflies in my chest.

We are getting closer to settling on first names for the boys. Good thing now that we have a deadline. Sorry, you’ll have to wait until they’re born… For those who don’t yet know the story of their middle names let me quote papa: “their middle names Carson” (A) and “Walker” (B) are twin rivers in Nevada with their ongoing challenges that keep surviving. Both rivers are places where their papa spends his most precious moments- moments that we both look forward to sharing with our boys.”

(photo of papa fishing Deer Creek)

Sitting in my quiet hospital room I feel fairly tuned in to the sounds around me. I thought I’d share those with you:

-The occasional helicopter noise from the care flight. They take off not to far from my window.

-The constant air being pumped into the room. David brought me a humidifier to remedy the overly dry air here. So far, it seems to be helping.

-The occasional newborn cry from the hall. Even with the door shut I can hear the precious little cries of hungry little babes being wheeled to their moms for feeding.

-And, sometimes the hum of my babies’ heartbeats on the monitor. I usually keep it turned down. You can have a listen to my video on flickr.

The boys are still trucking along according to the ultrasound on Monday evening. Their size difference has increased to 36% with baby A at 3lbs 1oz and baby B at 1lb 15oz (multiples are identified according to the order of which they would naturally be born). Baby B’s cord flow is still lower than it should be but his heartrate isn’t fluctuating with contractions so the doctor is content to keep him in for about another week. All of his nutrients are going to his head and heart. The trouble with this is eventually his other organs could suffer from not getting enough of what they need. Another week is also important to the growth of Baby A’s lungs. We’ve already gotten farther along than was expected. We had a few different scares along the way starting early in the second trimester so we are thankful our little dudes have made it this far.

The excitement of being parents is really setting in now that we know how soon the boys will be here. I’m also anxious to get back home and finish setting up the nursery. I’ll be on the mend for awhile after the cesarean and will be making many trips to the hospital to see and eventually to nurse the boys.

We will update here with news and photos as the boys progress as only family members are allowed to visit the NICU.

Thanks again for all the support that keeps pouring in. Both David and I appreciate all the support of our community.

I do hope we keep up the holding part. We have an ultrasound tonight to check on cord flow and baby size. If things are still looking good then we just sit and let these boys grow some more. I’m finally putting on some pounds, too. My weight gain with these little guys has been slow and minimal. I’m glad to be finally be “packing on the groceries”. They’ve also been moving more and more - practicing their ninja moves.

David is feeling better and has been able to spend the last three evenings with me. We proved to be an old married couple the first evening together. Our movie for the night was the documentary The Underwater World of Trout. The boys won’t only be skilled ninjas but fly fishers, as well.

The other excitement of our evenings is my thirty minute walk. This is usually about fifteen minutes of walking and fifteen minutes of yoga stretches for my hips. Our walks take us around the the Labor and Delivery ward, to the fish tank to see the one-eyed fish, Arrr, and then to the nursery to see the new babies. On Friday night we got to watch a set of twins get their diapers changed. They were each moved to a scale to be changed. While each one was in the scale they flailed their arms about fussing. Once they were placed back in the bassinet with their twin they settled right down. It was precious, comforting, and exciting for us as twin parents to be.

Thank you all for your kind words of support. It is so nice to hear from everyone and it helps to pass the time here knowing you are all thinking of us.

(Here’s another photo of a sunrise from my hospital window. You can see Mt. Rose in the distance.)

We are truly blessed with a constant flow of support from friends and family. It is this community that our boys will grow up in. We couldn’t hope for a better setting for our family as we head into this new journey of parenthood.

To update: I have been in the hospital for just over a week now for bed rest and monitoring of our coming identical twin boys. We are at 28 1/2 weeks or 7 months. One of our little boys has what some call poor cord insertion or discordance, rather, his umbilical cord is not hooked into the placenta in as healthy of a spot as it should be. Because of this he is a little smaller than his brother because he is receiving less fluid through his cord. The doctors and nurses are watching him closely to make sure he’s still growing and getting all the nutrients he needs. So far, he is trucking right along, even showing off. He’s always busy exploring and stretching. His foot has been the one I’ve had to coax away from my ribs on occasion.

So, I’m kicked back in a hospital bed growing baby boys. If the docs see a change in the little one that could be dangerous to him then it will be time for both of them to come out. Until then, we wait as patiently as we can. And, I suppose it is the patience of a mother that I am learning. I am allowed to shower and take a thirty minute walk each day. Otherwise, I have to hold relatively still to keep the boys’ heart rates on the monitor. Each of their heart rates are monitored alongside my contractions. The first day I arrived my contractions and blood pressure shot up. I’ve been on medication since then to keep both down. I’ve already had steroid shots to help develop the boys’ lungs so they are as set as they can be if they need to come out soon. And, if they come out early (which is likely) they will be in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) until near their full term of 40 weeks.

I’ve been enjoying the quiet time here after a busy election season and the hectic rearranging of our home as we readied the nursery for the boys. As is par for the election cycle, my husband got a nasty cold after the election was over so I haven’t seen him since the morning I was admitted to the hospital. I miss him terribly and can’t wait for him to kick the cold so he can come visit. Our dog, Maggie, has promised me a visit, too. I’m hopeful the docs will let me off the monitors long enough to be wheeled to the parking garage to see her.

I do have to say that I have to be the luckiest patient on the floor. Even though I’m bound to a hospital bed I have a single room with a view of Mt. Rose. The stormy skies that have been rolling across the valley have presented some gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, as well. I am also blessed with amazing nurses who deserve their own post - so, more soon.